The Change In Plan

Well, 2013 couldn’t have started off with a bigger bang. As the vision of my journey to New York comes more and more into focus, changes have imposed themselves on my situation that are quite out of my control. Fortunately, I have become so driven and determined by the promise of my future, that not even a change of original plan can derail my course of action.

To cut to the chase, my boyfriend Charlie will no longer be accompanying me on my move to New York City. His decision was rightfully made after much deliberation with himself, pouring plenty of effort the last few months into trying to figure out how he fit into this whole equation. We obviously love one another intensely, but the vision I have for my life in NYC is the same vision he had for himself four years ago when he moved to California. Finally, being on the cusp of his graduation from SF State, he has the opportunity to fully live in and realize that vision he had for himself in San Francisco. Expecting him to uproot everything that he has built for himself to accommodate my own dreams would not only be selfish of me, but would create resentment and tension that could negatively impact our relationship. He wants to travel the world, make mistakes, and enjoy the accomplishments and newfound sense of belonging he has created for himself, and I absolutely agree that he needs to.

Initially, when he told me this, I was up in arms. The idea of moving to a brand new city was so much less intimidating when I had my partner moving with me. Losing the physical support and comfort of having my boyfriend near me almost seemed to be a deal-breaker, but Charlie told me he wouldn’t allow me to stay behind because of him – and I refuse to, as well. It has been difficult to grapple with the idea that I will be in a massive, intimidating city alone, but, ultimately, my dream belongs to me. I can’t ask another person to participate in it if their instincts are pulling them in another direction. I have always been a person who firmly believes in trusting your gut, and I am grateful that he was able to come to me and honestly approach this ordeal, rather than fitting himself into a box he doesn’t want to be contained in, in an attempt to make me happy.

As for our relationship, it is my (hopefully OUR) intention to remain together regardless of the distance between us. I don’t know what kind of strain this will or will not place upon us, but I am not willing to give up on the love between us just because our individual journeys are pulling us to opposite sides of the country. What I do know is that a relationship and a love like this are few and far-between, and I think that, if we work hard and stay invested, our relationship can continue to thrive, even with a span of distance physically separating us. I could have never wished for a more perfect relationship than the one I have with Charlie, and miles between us can’t alter that.

Until then, I will enjoy the time I can still spend being close to him, strengthening and nurturing our bond, and laying the foundation for a healthy long-distance situation. I’m sure there will be changes imposed on our relationship, but when you value something as much as we do this, you must be willing to make changes and compromises to accommodate the ever-changing tides of life. True love is liquid – it is best to ride the wave rather than resist it while the waves crash down around you. I look forward to the future with newly strengthened determination, and welcome the learning opportunities that a challenge like this will present.